Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I've Been Shot During Yoga & KO'd on a Golf Course

Last week, I thought I was being shot at during a yoga class.  It’s embarrassing, but I can explain.

It was a special class featuring a live DJ, and my mat was positioned near the speakers.  While DJ Mantra was making some technical adjustments, something backfired or short-circuited, which caused a huge kaboom!  I swear it sounded like a gunshot.  From downward facing dog, I hit the deck and reflexively curled up in a ball, protecting my head.  Good instincts, right?  Except for one crucial fact: I WAS IN A YOGA CLASS.  Not a war zone.  Not on a hunting trip.  Not stranded in a back alley in gang territory.  Not, even, visiting a movie set where gunfire is simulated.  A yoga studio: where the most violent crimes against humanity include leaving your cell phone on and flatulence.  

My dear friend, Chanel Luck, who was teaching class, found the whole scene highly entertaining (who could blame her?), but, although ridiculous, she'd probably tell you it wasn't totally out of character to those who know me best.  In other words, I'm great at making a fool of myself.  It's not a frequent occurrence, per say, but when I humiliate myself, I do a really thorough job, especially in athletic settings.  

There was the time, as a teen, when I got stuck in a rowing machine while admiring a cute boy at the gym.  My T-shirt snagged under the seat, rendering me trapped, and the gym staff had to use scissors to cut me free.  The back of the shirt had a giant chunk missing afterward, so I told people I'd been attacked by a shark.  

More recently, I nearly knocked myself unconscious while golfing with Om Bro, my Dad, and my then new beau.  We'd just teed off in a friendly tournament, when I hustled back to the cart.  Unfortunately, the roof of the cart was precisely my height, so I slammed my head full-force into the cart, falling flat on my back (thank goodness for the semi soft landing of a manicured green).  My Dad and beau were stunned in silence.  From the ground, in my KO'd state, I could only hear my brother, exasperated and more than a little amused, "Rebecca, are you serious?"  

Yes, I am serious.  A serious klutz.  A serious hazard to myself, even in sports and activities with as little contact as yoga, indoor rowing, and golf.  Sad, isn't it?  So, now that I've shared some of my more colorful, more embarrassing moments with you, it's your turn, om guys and gals.

Tell me about your most embarrassing yoga or athletic moment.  I have a feeling there will be a lot of anonymous comments on this one . . .


Lean Muscle Matt said...

Talk about ruining your tranquil moment! I'm so glad I'm not the only one.

One of my worst lessons in fitness humility happened during a particularly intense session on the Stairmaster. I was just nearing the end of my session and was considerably winded, but I was determined to finish at ALL costs. NO level down button for me! With about 3 minutes left my arm caught my iPod cord abruptly yanking it from its holder. I of course proceeded to try and catch the iPod in midair (much like trying to catch a falling knife), but instead lost my footing and dismounted via riding down the stairs on my stomach. Is that still considered falling down the stairs? Oddly enough it was only AFTER I landed on the floor in a crumpled heap that the iPod came to rest right on top of me (laughing no doubt).

Several concerned club goers stopped to see if I was ok, BUT I wanted them ALL far, far away.

Hello my name is Matthew, and I’m a recovering klutz.

Om Gal said...

OMG, that is incredible! Kindred gym klutzes unite! LMAO.

Chanel Luck said...

When I look back on my top ten most hysterical teaching moments, you take the cake for 2 out of the ten. But your stop, drop and roll, last Friday is probably in tie for first place funniest thing to ever happen in a yoga class! And, you are also the person I would first go to for real, authentic, intelligent, yoga discussions. good balance RRP!
love you friend.

dfg said...

When I was a young pup I moved to Tucson and one evening I wandered into a Judo dojo looking for some exercise. The class was being taught by this elderly man, of course back then to me anyone over 50 was considered ancient and I was thinking, well what can this guy really teach me. He noticed me and had me come in and put on a gi or uniform and then asked me to step on the the mat and work on throwing him. Now I was thinking to myself, I got to be careful here, I could really hurt this guy. I was in my mid twenties, big, quick and strong and I had just left the military where I'd gotten some serious special training under my belt. If I roughed this old guy up there's no way they're going to let me work out here.

So we started to spar off to one side of the room. I went in for a quick push to knock him over and the next thing I know I'm 4 feet off the ground, stretched out horizontal and heading for the mat at a very fast rate. After I shook it off I got up and told myself - gloves off, I'm taking this dude down. Again I went at him and again I ended up flat on my back. By this time the rest of the class had stopped what they were doing and were settling in to watch us.

It seemed like hours but could only have been minutes. Each time I went at him he gently reached out and not so gently threw me to the floor. All the while he was sort of dancing around me with this far off look on his face as if he was thinking "mmm, what should I have for dinner". Eventually we stopped and he went back to the class to teach. One of the black belts took me aside as I was changing back to my civilian clothes and told me that this person, this Sensei, was a 5 time gold medal winner at the pan-amercian games and one of the most renowned western practitioners of Judo in the world.

Needless to say I slunk out of there not near as cocky as I went in. I came back though the next night and in a much more humble fashion, asked if I could study with him. To my fortune he said yes and that has set the course of my life.

Here's a fuller version of the story if anyone's interested...
In Japanese Judo literally means The Gentle Way

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Alli said...

I still laugh about this one every time I think about it. I did a triathlon earlier this summer... they called last call before the race officials close the transition areas and my helmet, water, biking shoes etc weren't there yet...so I decided to run through the wet and slippery parking lot in flip flops (bad idea). I was doing fine until I dodged out of someone's way and completely ate asphalt, and I mean completely, in front of EVERYONE. I slid on my ride side and cut up my whole ankle, hip, and arm. Apparently I was the only one who thought it was funny, I couldn't stop laughing at myself. I got it cleaned out and put a bandaid on and did my race, all of my co-racers and I joked that it would be intimidating to anyone going against me. My arm ended up getting infected and to this day I have a pretty ugly scar. It makes such a good story that I fell not during- but before the triathlon even started!

Anonymous said...

LMAO! OMG, that gave me quite a chuckle! Unfortunately (or fortunately perhaps), I don't have any embarrassing stories related to sports or fitness activities - I'm sure my day will come :D

Megan said...

Embarrassing moments! I was doing a summer abroad in London, and one of my friends invited me to his family's house outside of the city.

They had a beautiful back yard with a croquet set and mallets.

We were all set up for a lovely evening of tea, biscuits and croquet...when I step up to wind up the mallet and I hit the grass instead of the ball and broke the mallet in right in half.

Not only was I extremely embarrassed for breaking their mallet, but I ruined the entire evening game!

Jessica said...

I love this post! One embarrassing moment that stands out happened just recently at yoga! It was a crowded class so we were all pretty close. The guy behind me happened to be new. We were in downward dog and instructed to lift our right leg, little did I know the guy was right behind me bending over at the front of his mat taking a break.. I kicked him right in the face! I was mortified! Haha I don't think he will be going back any time soon!

Om Gal said...

Brilliant!!! Love these. And so honored to be in the company of other humbled, hazardous, or clumsy friends. Thank you om guys & gals:-)

Megan Mountcastle said...

Very funny post-- brings back memories of being on my high school golf team. We had a very cute assistant coach who, on a slightly rainy day was helping me out with my posture and swing. Trying to be confident I took my back swing and the club flew out of my hands and somehow got stuck in a tree. The very cute coach had to climb the tree and retrieve my club. Am finally able to laugh about it many years later. I was so embarrassed at the time!

Julie said...

I consider myself pretty clumsy, which is why I stick to running and yoga: sports that require no equipment. I only have to worry about controlling my body... which is precisely where my moment of unfortunate fame lies.

I was running my first half marathon in PA and completely pumped with one goal in mind: don't stop NO MATTER WHAT. About 7 miles in (so still 6 to go, mind you), I lost control of one very important part of my body - you'll know which one as the story continues. If you're a runner, you know... I was wearing red skin tight pants (why??) and had no idea what I looked like from behind but refused to stop, as I'd promised myself. So I kept going... uncomfortable, sure people were checking me out (in a "sucks to be her" way) from behind. At mile 11 I thought, "This is it - get me outta here," and I bolted for the last 2 miles. At mile 12 an angel passed me, threw me her nice Dri-Fit Nike jacket and said, "Tie this around your waist; it's happened to me!" I had somehow forgotten for the minutes leading up to that, but I then realized how bad it was. I wore the jacket around my waist for the last one mile sprint, and collapsed into a heap of embarrassment as I crossed the finish line.

Now, I never travel to a race without Imodium AD; and my friends' good luck mantra is "I love you, I'm so proud of you, and no more poopy pants!"

Anonymous said...

Lived in Mo. and a the pool was in the middle of the gym surrounded by cardio machines, like a gold fish bowl setting.
All of a sudden, as I take a lap break I lift my goggles and there is this mermaide madona wanting to talk to me. Well, I suck in my belly and become transformed into mr. cool.
She took the bait and had us to talk on the lounge chair under the sky lights. No problem here, and there was only One lounge chair so she had to sit on my lap.
Hormones ragging and vissions of ms. bikini and me was too much for my minnow and I got the pop tent.
No towel and my human shield off and gone (she has to finish her work out she said) made me exposed like the sublect in an art drawing class. Needless to say, it was a long walk back to the mens locker room.

Anonymous said...

Power shakes and power booting.

Just finished my 4 hour gladitorial endeavor and now it was time for the JUICE BAR.

I order the metrix, double raw egg, milk, bananna and booster shot.(Chocolate mocha carmel of course) I was mezmerized and hypnotized as I watched it twirling in the blender and the waterfall as she chai liked poured it into my big gulp cup.

My dehydrated and muscle starved body just had to chug it all in 30 seconds. A minute later I felt like a possession invaded me, (Like the exoorcist scene) and power booted power shack atleast 20 feet and gave the Juice bar wall a new mosaic.

Fortunatly, I did not hit anyone directly only colateral gastric drops splatter, as it was very busy in the evening rush hour, but for some reason cleared out fast.

Anonymous said...

Never try to squat 300lbs. jusst because you friend can do it.

Well, I got stuck and my spotters eyes were elsewhere and fortunatly I did not have clips on the end of the bar and dumped the plates on the gym floor. If you ever heard 6 45lb plates smashing to the ground domino style descending, it is realy loud.

Anonymous said...

Fartloudasana and dead bug is a pose flow that kinda go together after a night of drinking and eating bar food.

Ashli and Anthony said...

Well, mine happened in YOUR Yoga class years ago....
We were in Savasana and I was a tense little college student. You came over to me to push my elevated shoulders down onto the mat. My eyes were closed, and as you made your approach your hair touched my neck. I thought it was a spider. I SMACKED your hand!!! Ugh!!! What an ass. Sorry about that!!!! <3

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